Today’s parents are often torn over how to properly discipline their children and there is a clear divide between what feels right and what feel wrong when it comes to handling unruly and out of control kids.

Spare the rod and spoil the child!
A hard head makes a soft behind!
Discipline your children today or the cops will do it tomorrow.

“My parents said all those things and believed if they didn’t spank me when I was unruly they were doing me a disservice,” said Lana, now a mother of two young boys. “I turned out just fine, but I’m not sure all those switches I had to pull from trees and belt lashings made the difference.”

Lana said her parents, both in their early 80s, did the best they could given their lack of education and money. She said there was plenty of love in her home, but when she and her brother broke a window, misbehaved in school or missed their curfew they knew their parents would spank them.

“I don’t want to be the bully, like my parents were,” said Lana. “I know children need discipline, but I am trying to find creative ways to calm down my sons and let them know that Daddy and I are running the show.”

In the book “1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline For Children 2-12” Author Thomas Phelan's simple, effective child-management program is to enable parents to discipline children, ages 2 to 12, by instituting a system of counting and time-outs, delivered straightforwardly and unemotionally. Phelan's candid style is filled with common sense, concrete examples, and lots of reassuring humor.

“Sounds good in theory, but when you are at the end of your rope, it’s hard to find your sense of humor,” said Lana. “I’ve come to understand why my parents were quick to give us a smack or a pinch, but I am still against it.”

But with shows like Super Nanny that showcase “bad-ass” kids who have pushed their parents so far to the limit they need help getting them back on track it’s obvious that the great debate: To Spank or Not To Spank will continue to spark a heated conversation.

“I can’t take shows like Super Nanny,” said Roberta, mother of three. “Shame on you if your children don’t have respect for you.

“I feel like climbing through the TV set and knocking the hell out of those bad ass kids. There’s no way I could tolerate that kind of madness, she said.”

Roberta said when her kids “act-out” they know their mom is going to “act-out” too. She said her stern style of discipline which has included spankings, punishment, no ballet or basketball practice and no video games or TV is extreme, but effective.

“Once you set the tone in your house, your kids will know the deal,” said Roberta. “Don’t start none, won’t be none! In other words, if my kids do the right thing so will I … if they get out of line I know how to reel them in.”

Tamika said she never had to spank her daughter and hopes it never comes to that. Tamika’s 13-year-old daughter understands the rules of the house and when she breaks them, she knows her mom will punish her.

“I don’t have the energy it takes to spank her,” said Tamika. “I just get her where it hurts the most … I take away what she loves the most, her cell phone.”

Dr. Ruth Peters, who wrote the book “Don’t Be Afraid To Discipline” says parents have to take back their power. Dr. Peters knows that kids can be manipulative--and she offers parents a positive, no-nonsense approach to bringing about family harmony.

Kids know exactly what to do when their parents relinquish authority--take advantage! “Don't Be Afraid to Discipline” focuses on several ineffective parenting styles that kids thrive on, like the emotionally needy parents or the happiness-seeking parent. Dr. Peters also helps parents identify which tactics their children like to use best, whether it's provoking parental guilt or pitting Mom against Dad.

Most parents who spank do it because they were raised that way, but it doesn’t make it right. Vanessa said there is nothing her children can do to make her angry enough to put her hands on them.

“Spanking is a violation of a child’s rights,” said Vanessa. “There are consequences for bad behavior, but it doesn’t begin or end with a spanking in my house. My husband and I get better results by using time-out and talking things out with our kids.”

This debate will continue, but in the mean time, find a method of discipline that’s right for your family, whether it’s spanking or not spanking! Please email your opinions to jbgmembers@aol.com