No matter how successful, how respected, or how smart a woman is in her chosen profession, a true "Leading Lady" is more than her job. No matter how many long hours she logs at the office or on the road, she has a life at home. This month, as we focus on marriage enrichment and renewal, I want to write to you about a specific issue that will enable you to develop a strong, healthy relationship with a man if you are single and will enhance your marriage if you are a wife. I am talking about the matter of trust.

It seems crazy, I know, that a big strong man needs to feel secure, but he does. He needs it in the worst kind of way. He can be terribly afraid and confused by feminine behavior. We always resent what we do not understand, and there are many things that escape our understanding as men and women relate to each other. One of these things is trust. Countless books and magazine articles have explored trust from a female perspective as it relates to infidelity. But there seems to be a real dearth of material that helps a woman understand a man's need to trust a woman and feel safe.

For a man, trust is feeling assured that no matter what changes she incurs as she evolves through life, his position in her life will not be threatened. It is knowing that she will not deceive him. It is being sure that she will be his friend forever. Trust is the issue that haunts a man's heart. Often, the insecurity that causes men to be terrified of commitment is associated with trust. It's not that they want to remain single so much as it is a fear of having to trust someone. They're so afraid of being hurt that they would rather be alone.

Some men were raised not to trust women. Sound strange? Well, many men grew up in homes where they have seen or heard too much. As boys, they overheard the disgruntled discussions that unhappy women have about men, and those conversations left them confused. Many men are scarred by broken childhoods filled with broken memories. They have seen and felt the conflicts, and they carry the scars.

No matter how justified a battle between a mother and a father may have been, a child should never have to hear his mother speak evil of his father. It causes distrust in him as he feels that a covenant between two people has been violated, and he loses respect for the bond of marriage. Whatever problems you may have with the father, do not use the son to vent your frustrations or as a weapon in a war between yourself and your mate. The son who is split apart emotionally may not act out his confusion on you, but when he is older he will struggle to trust his wife. If he sees betrayal in his own mother, he will realize that if he can't trust her, what woman can he trust?

When a man loves, he is vulnerable in a way that threatens himself. Even God, when He loves us, becomes poor (see 2 Corinthians 8: 8. 9). That literally means that love spends its resources in caring. We enrich the one we love, but we do it by spending our resources on them. Most men are intimidated by the expense of an emotional commitment. Oh yes, they want the benefits, but they may be afraid of the bill!

Men tend to feel uncertain with their own feelings. We have had little practice at relationships. It is easy for a man to give his money, his body, or his advice, but when he is faced with giving his heart—then he is terrified. Even the most robust man will tremble when he realizes he had moved beyond wanting you and into needing you. Wanting is safe, but needing is vulnerable. When he needs you, he feels as though his heart is in your hand, but he fears your gentle hand will become an iron fist and leave him hurting. He feels vulnerable and exposed, naked in the tempestuous storm of love. What he doesn't realize is that your love is a shelter, a refuge, a fortress. You will have to teach him this by your trustworthiness. Let him know he is safe with you; become an expert in the trust department and he will deposit the depths of his heart with you!